Dogs are trying to pass themselves off as humans in an effort to get their paws on new brands of the big Pet Food labels
Monday, November 3, 2008
Pet Food
Glorious varieties of pet food are being diversified for the needs of an economy in recession. Pedro, the Spanish snack food for dogs has introduced a new brand on the eve of the euro zones official recession which caters for those on the fringes of society. No more is pet food regarded as staple diet for the elderly living alone. No more is there a social stigma attached to dieting on such delicacies. No more is pet food smelly, flatulence inducing and bland as rice cakes. Ladies, Gentlemen, Canines and Felines rejoice. Pedros' new brand "Many Biscuits' are causing a stir across the retailing world. Smaller retailers such as Spar and Centra have embraced the new initiative, Superquinn are seeking solicitors, while the cheapskates at Tesco are already on the ball with their culinary scientists researching and tasting around the clock. Six scientists are recieving medical treatment.
But Pedigree Chum "take the biscuit". The many people marginalised by harsh economic downturns have turned to the petfood sections of shops in the hope that the delicious, nutritious and non ficticious "Pedigree Bum" are still in stock. This investigator found himself on Ben Burgh street recently where downtrodden heroine addicts describe the new food as "whopper" before asking him for his wallet. Cheap and easy to bring around as a pocket snack, easy to steal in many cases, and to top it all is tasty, Pedigree Bum is a culinary revolution.
A brand new restaurant "Lickas of Whiskas" has opened on Dame Street. While the the poor down and outs of our city are eating with their fingers from tins, Madelaine McCarthy has found a niche in the market where seasoned pet food is on a luxury menu: Whiskas with Jalapenos under a liver and pedigree chum gravy sauce; Pedigree Bum Pizza; Lasagne with Rabbit, Liver, Duck and Chicken; and my favourite Fish stir fry with a bone on the side, perfect for cleaning your teeth of all the bits of pet food that is sure to accumalate. The food is so good you'll never ask for a doggy bag. Also, ask inside for the "Credit Crunch Lunch."
But Pedigree Chum "take the biscuit". The many people marginalised by harsh economic downturns have turned to the petfood sections of shops in the hope that the delicious, nutritious and non ficticious "Pedigree Bum" are still in stock. This investigator found himself on Ben Burgh street recently where downtrodden heroine addicts describe the new food as "whopper" before asking him for his wallet. Cheap and easy to bring around as a pocket snack, easy to steal in many cases, and to top it all is tasty, Pedigree Bum is a culinary revolution.
A brand new restaurant "Lickas of Whiskas" has opened on Dame Street. While the the poor down and outs of our city are eating with their fingers from tins, Madelaine McCarthy has found a niche in the market where seasoned pet food is on a luxury menu: Whiskas with Jalapenos under a liver and pedigree chum gravy sauce; Pedigree Bum Pizza; Lasagne with Rabbit, Liver, Duck and Chicken; and my favourite Fish stir fry with a bone on the side, perfect for cleaning your teeth of all the bits of pet food that is sure to accumalate. The food is so good you'll never ask for a doggy bag. Also, ask inside for the "Credit Crunch Lunch."
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